Still In the Aftermath, I guess

Well, a couple days post Haloween 22, and I am STILL thinking of her. I know IO cant have her back, even if I wanted her (and I kind of do). The facts remain - she was willing to crash EIGHT YEARS of effort. MY effort, apparently. She3 never exerted herself, and that is one of the things I dfo nboit miss undser any ciurcumstance. I findf it much easier to swallow if I keep the negatives at the forefront of my mind, and there are plenty that prevent cycling. Still there's a lot I miss. Especially the companionship...and some that I resent. These, and more, would keep me from ever going back to ask again. Even if I did, she wouldn't take it. She's gone. And while a part of me knew it was coming (which makes this process all the more easy), I didn't think it would cut this deep. And THAT shows where I lost it. THAT is wqhere I a;lwayts lose it. I swaear to myself that I can deal with it, and I am never ablke to when the time coimes. It's vicious and its something I know about myself and never seem to correct - almost like willful ignorance. At the same time I am also thinks a lot about both my Mother and Father.neither of whom I am currently in touch with, nor do I think I will evber be cxkloise to agaion. Partly from my behavior but moreso because they were some fucked up parents. I am even mentioning them because I feel a crush coming. I don't know when or where, but its coming. I *really* would like to meet a girl. One that I like. One that is my WHOLE package - before my dick stops wortking, which by the looks of things, already has. FUCK YOU Briana, and I hope you have a happy life. You don't deserve it, and I still hate what you did. But I want you to have it. No matter what you did or think. I wish you well. Cunt.