the longer I linger

The longer I linger in this nightmare, the worse it will become. The threat of stagnation looks ever presently. And while I must admit that my own decisions have landed me in this wicked situation, I can say that only 75% of it can be self-attributed. The remainder goes to my mother. And I've come to the realization that blame will do nothing for me at this point. Unfortunately it is a consideration I have real trouble vacating. The fact is I need to find something productive to do... Something that can earn money. And while I'm reticent about getting a job, I no longer have the luxury of that choice. I haven't met anyone with knowing, with perhaps two exceptions. I also believe that while this diary is a certain relief if stress, it is not productive in the way I need it to be. 

I'll be back, nevertheless...