Days Go By (con't)

you know, there have a couple of thepthat I have here in Florida and I've saved my ass. one of them is the dog. another is walking him. it blows my mind how incredibly betrayed I am while I'm still here. the people I thought that were closest to me without exception have not been. the person I came here with has discarded me and those feelings haven't gone away it's quite important for me. moreover I haven't been unable to make friends and the friends that I have made the romances that I have been involved in since Brianna's departure have all failed. I'm not sure what I'm going to do next. I have this asset where I love it but I can't afford it. not without free. I'm actually dumbfounded by her lack of commitment even after 8 years I would have expected her to have put in more effort but she never did. and now I'm stuck holding back. she know I was depending on her and she did what she did anyway. she left. I don't appreciate it whatsoever. and I'm trying to get a hard to ask her to come back she's disconnected her number she wants nothing to do with me I don't even know what I did. nevertheless here I am and I got to figure out a way through this which is not easy. so I thank God for the dog Ramsey has been my savior he's giving me something to do he's taking my mind off of my problems and he's giving me a reason to live that I didn't have before. not only that in retrospect I take a look at what we actually tried to do and she was going to try and take it from me she wanted to take it from me. blows my mind that she wanted to leave me that high and dry in fact it's become such a point of hatred for me with no interaction on her part whatsoever I have been able to really figure it out this bitch wanted to hang out to dry entirely and Autumn helped her. this is something I cannot forget nor will i. it's badly as I would like to ask for her back and ask her to come back to me it will never happen because of her intent. and that leaves me in a quantity. I don't know what to do I don't know where to go I don't have any friends and this place can be very depressing despite the volume of amazing women here and the volume of amazing Sunshine here and the weather that is so killer here and everything else in my life that is going well it doesn't seem worth it at all without her around and it's painful to this Charmed Life I hate to say it. meanwhile I managed to fall in love with someone else and that person is also rejecting me. Sarah gifts and she rejected me for a lesser individual. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong but it's something for sure because I'm losing every single time. now a lot of people say that maybe this is talking to me? I'm not sure it is especially considering my actual belief that I am my own God and I control my own destiny and there's no reason for me to believe anything else so this must be my fault right? but then again it might not be if God exists he's doing this to me for a reason she's doing this to me for a reason I don't know what it is I do know that I did not voluntarily come to the East Coast I don't want you to stay here but I don't think I can move home thank you Lindy cunt and that's my mother That's How Strong I feel about what's going on here I'm ready to sacrifice her and everything around me just to get my old life back and I'm not sure I can do that even if I sacrifice everything so I don't even know what to say this morning I'll come back and revisit another post but days have gone by and nothing is improved but certainly not my attitude and now my mother is in on it so here we go let's see what happens.